


I Want To Trust You

by PuppiesRainbowsSadism



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Forgiveness, M/M, Multi, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5476934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuppiesRainbowsSadism/pseuds/PuppiesRainbowsSadism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin isn't quite as forgiving as Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want To Trust You

**Author's Note:**

> For SPN rare pair bingo. Square: "I want to trust you . . . I do."

Castiel smiled to himself. Sam and Kevin were laughing -- at Cas’s own detriment, sure, but it still made him happy to see them both gleeful and carefree, if only for the moment.

Adding Kevin to the relationship brought something out of Sam, something positive. It wasn’t that Sam was unhappy with only Cas, but with Kevin, he was lighter. Castiel suspected it was the youthful energy and relative innocence in the young prophet.

Sam’s phone rang, and he checked it on the tail end of a laugh before his smile fell a little. “It’s Dean,” he announced. “I’m sorry, I -- ”

“He might need help,” Kevin interrupted. “No problem. Let us know if you need anything, okay?”

Sam nodded, and before he could do more than greet his brother, both Castiel and Kevin were out of the room. Castiel was on his way to his own personal room before he felt a tug on his sleeve.

“Hey,” Kevin said softly, presumably so Sam wouldn’t hear. “Can I talk to you?”

“Of course,” Castiel answered without hesitation. Kevin was being very serious suddenly, all traces of humour gone. Castiel just hoped nothing was wrong.

“So Sam trusts you, right? I know he does,” Kevin started immediately, but quietly. He didn’t even insist on moving somewhere quieter. “But . . . he told me what you did.”

What he did . . . that could be anything. Letting Sam out of the panic room and knowingly starting the apocalypse? Bringing Sam out of the Cage without his soul? Bringing the wall in his head crashing down? Becoming mad with power and betraying them all? There were so many things that Castiel felt he couldn’t possibly atone for that he didn’t know what Kevin was referring to.

Luckily, Kevin elaborated without prompting:  “Breaking down whatever wall was in his head, making him go crazy.”

“Oh,” Cas said, although he didn’t mean to voice his thoughts. Out of everything, that was perhaps what Castiel felt most guilty about.

Kevin laughed humourlessly. “‘Oh?’” he repeated incredulously. “You put Lucifer in his head, Cas! He almost died!”

“I know.” Cas’s voice was very small.

“And I know you’ve known Sam longer than I have. And-and I have no right to get so protective over him -- “

“I’d be concerned if you weren’t protective,” Castiel interjected honestly. “I don’t trust many people who do not wish to protect him.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t trust you.”

Castiel suspected that was where this conversation was going, but hearing it phrased so bluntly hurt nonetheless.

“I want to trust you, I do,” Kevin continued. “But I can’t, and I don’t know how Sam can.”

“Sam is the most forgiving man I have ever met. No one deserves his kindness.” Especially me, went unsaid, but Kevin likely heard it, the way he nodded in sympathy.

“Yeah, he’s too good. And I don’t mean to hurt you, man, but if this thing is gonna work out, we need to be honest with each other.”

“Then trust that I’m being honest when I say that I work every day to deserve Sam’s forgiveness, and I expect that I never will. What I did to him was horrible, and Sam may have forgiven me, but I will never forgive myself.” There was so much more that Cas wanted to say:  That he wished he had been left to rot in Purgatory; that he was glad he took Sam’s insanity for himself because it helped lead to the beautiful relationship they had now; that he’d work for Kevin’s forgiveness too, because even though Sam was and would always be his main priority, he cared very deeply for Kevin.

But he said none of those things. Kevin just nodded and said, “Good. And look, I care about you a lot. It’s kind of hard not to when you’re, y’know, in a relationship, or whatever. But I just -- I can’t.”

Castiel nodded and said, perfectly honestly, “I understand.”

There seemed to be an agreement between the two, before Sam interrupted, off the phone and all smiles again, and, for the time being, that was the end of that.


End file.
